Posted on February 18, 2010
Rules, Rules, Rules
The regular publishing schedule here at Coquetting Tarradiddles is pretty simple: two new essays each week, with one released on Tuesday and the other on Thursday. It doesn’t sound like a difficult thing to manage and, truth be told, it really isn’t. However, every so often Life meets up with Fate over a game of cards in the back room of some celestial speakeasy where anthropomorphized representations of the human condition get together to eat ambrosia and figure out clever ways to screw with mortals, and their little omnipotent games of chance almost always result in Interesting Times for us regular schmoes. Read More
Posted on February 10, 2010
The Incredible, Inedible Egg
Earlier this month, Brittany and I were almost killed by rancid chicken menstruations. Ok, maybe rancid is a bit too strong of a word, but using a term like “bad eggs” to describe what we ate late one night as a midnight breakfast doesn’t come anywhere near to balancing out the digestive misery that soon followed. The eggs themselves looked fine, they didn’t smell bad and, since I throw enough spices into my scrambled eggs to take down either a large cocker spaniel or small rhinoceros, they didn’t even taste bad. However, shortly after finishing our delicious breakfast-for-dinner, the wife and I spent the rest of the night attempting to battle the unseen eldritch forces of a gastrointestinal Dunwich Horror as we passed each other in the hallway, going to and coming from the bathroom – or, as it came to be known on that fateful night, the Necronomiconal gateway to the Dungeon Dimensions. It wasn’t pretty. Read More
Posted on February 8, 2010
Revolution Calling
The other day, I stumbled across the news that South Carolina is now requiring that all subversives register with the state. There’s even a $5 filing fee and a $25,000 fine if you fail to register within thirty days of starting up your subversive organization. The logic, I suppose, goes something along the lines of, “You better let the state know if you’re planning to overthrow the state, otherwise the state will fine you a bunch of money before and/or after it throws you in the clink.” It’s a bit absurd and a bit laughable, but I’m sure it has some sort of purpose. However, while this action is clearly aimed at somehow thwarting terrorism through the inexplicable application of unnecessary bureaucracy, it’s still pretty darn funny. Maybe South Carolina is as afraid of Islamic extremists as it is of the army of undead waterheads who follow the likes of Glen Beck across the country, teabagging their way from sea to shining sea. Maybe the Palmetto State truly is worried that people are going to rise up and wrest control of the country from the clenched fists of government, but there are much better ways of pacifying a rebellion than threatening to fine the revolutionaries if they don’t let the state know about them ahead of time. Read More
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