Posted on February 8, 2010
Revolution Calling
The other day, I stumbled across the news that South Carolina is now requiring that all subversives register with the state. There’s even a $5 filing fee and a $25,000 fine if you fail to register within thirty days of starting up your subversive organization. The logic, I suppose, goes something along the lines of, “You better let the state know if you’re planning to overthrow the state, otherwise the state will fine you a bunch of money before and/or after it throws you in the clink.” It’s a bit absurd and a bit laughable, but I’m sure it has some sort of purpose. However, while this action is clearly aimed at somehow thwarting terrorism through the inexplicable application of unnecessary bureaucracy, it’s still pretty darn funny. Maybe South Carolina is as afraid of Islamic extremists as it is of the army of undead waterheads who follow the likes of Glen Beck across the country, teabagging their way from sea to shining sea. Maybe the Palmetto State truly is worried that people are going to rise up and wrest control of the country from the clenched fists of government, but there are much better ways of pacifying a rebellion than threatening to fine the revolutionaries if they don’t let the state know about them ahead of time. Read More
Posted on January 26, 2010
Prison Rolls Saving Throw, Inmates Lose
The geek half of the Internet (the remaining 50% being divided equally between bored housewives, cheating husbands, ambitious business majors and porn) is abuzz this morning with news of yesterday’s decision by the seventh circuit court of appeals to uphold the decision of a Wisconsin prison banning its inmates from playing Dungeons and Dragons. It seems that some murderer by the name of Kevin Spacey Singer filed the appeal after the prison’s big, bad warden stormed his cell and absconded with his entire collection of game manuals and whatever other D&D ephemera he’d managed to squirrel away while serving his sentence. The appeals court decision cited a concern that the playing of D&D somehow mimics the power structure of a gang and, as unlikely as it sounds, could eventually produce some sort of rabble-rousing collective of spotty-faced dungeon masters that would threaten the safety of other inmates, presumably through the use of an imaginary vorpal blade of +2 summoning or perhaps by way of a particularly nasty die roll. The reasoning behind the judgment doesn’t actually stand the test of reality, of course – not when you compare the real world stat sheet of your average gamer to that of his in-game alter ego, but I suppose the court had to figure out something to say that was a bit more technical than sticking out their tongues and going “Neener-neener! You’re in prison, you twat. It’s not supposed to be fun!” Read More
Posted on January 21, 2010
Road Trip!
Some folks have commented to me recently concerning our excursion to Disney World, and each of them has invariably asked the same question: “Why didn’t you take a plane?” The easy answer would be to say I don’t like flying, but that’s not entirely true. I have no real problems with airplanes other than simple annoyances that are fairly easily dealt with or at least temporarily endurable for the short duration of the flight. One of these things would include the hilariously inept and ineffectual security measures put in place after September 11, 2001 that make our flights neither safer nor more enjoyable, but that do seem to have the curious effect of irritating every single passenger so far past the point of intolerance that they come back around the other side as docile cattle, willingly being herded through checkpoints of steadily increasing invasiveness. And, armed with their Ziploc bags and unshod feet, the passengers walk in single-file confidence as machines bleep and bloop and give the guards virtual reconstructions of their naked naughty parts while falsely believing that any of it does any good. It’s a theater of delusion in which I want no part. Then, of course, there are the more mundane aspects of air travel, things like: lost luggage and mishandled baggage, infuriating and inexplicable delays coated in the saccharine-laced rhetoric of smiling automatons and, of course, the flight itself. I’m sorry, but unless I’m on some intergalactic space voyage to a distant star and totally dependent upon the ship’s life support systems to shield me from the terrible vacuum of outer space, I don’t really want to breathe the same barely-scrubbed, recycled oxygen as a whole plane full of people who are farting and burping and coughing their way to Orlando. And don’t even get me started on the toilets… Read More
You must be logged in to post a comment.