Posted on August 17, 2009
Swiper, No Swiping!
I hate Dora The Explorer. I normally stomach Trey’s choice of television programming fairly well, because it’s fun to watch the shows with him sitting beside me in my chair while we both interact with the characters on the screen. Blue’s Clues, for example, is great, sometimes even giving a wink and a nod to the parents in the audience. Dora, on the other hand, is complete and worthless tripe from beginning to end. There is little educational value to be found in any aspect of the show, even if you count the sporadic Spanish words sprinkled about each episode like las migajas del Hansel y Gretel. The animation is poor and repetitive, the voice acting is miserable (especially when the characters break into monotonous musical numbers characterized by tone-deaf vocals and three-frames of a dance animation), and Dora herself is an enormous, half-brained twit. Read More
Posted on August 13, 2009
Look Upon My Swatter, Ye Insects, And Despair!
Last night was an important night. A watershed moment in my life’s story. A hero’s journey. Monumental. Epic. You see, last night I became something greater than myself through the transformative power of the toddler mind. At the start of the evening, I was nothing more than I was the day before, or the day before that. However, by the end of it – by the time the sun slipped beneath the horizon and the moon shone bright in the nighttime sky – I had become Legend. Read More
Posted on August 4, 2009
With This Dance, I Thee Wed…(Part Two)
Yesterday, I took aim at the JK Wedding Entrance Dance with a critical eye poking through the telescopic site of my Hate Rifle. I didn’t intend for the tone to come across quite as caustic as it apparently did, although I did mean everything I said. Well, mostly…
In part two of my Jill and Kevin tirade, I want to expose the hypocrisy behind my words and maybe smooth over some of the rougher bits of part one. I admit that I am looking at the whole dancing wedding affair through disillusioned-colored glasses and, with today’s essay, I hope to explain why I wrote what I did in part one. Yesterday, I revealed that I have been married before (for those who didn’t already know), but I did not divulge the circumstance surrounding my absent-minded walk down the aisle. To set the record straight – and to put all my cards on the table – I have to confess that I, myself had a frivolous wedding, although I didn’t know it at the time. Read More
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