Posted on July 14, 2020
Worse Things Happen At Sea, You Know
(That’s actually a real mask you can really actually buy in the picture, by the way. I am in no way affiliated with the people making or selling them, but buying it’s a thing you can do in case you’re coming up short on this month’s cool, detached irony quota or whatever.)
I love how we’ve arrived at the “but most people don’t die” rationalization with this virus. Everything’s a zero sum game with some of you people. Pass or fail. Win or lose. Republican or godless devil worshiping heathen communist baby eater.
Here’s the thing, kids. The vastly different ways covid affects different people of differing ages with wildly varying degrees of intensity means yeah, maybe you won’t die. Maybe you and your kids will be fine.
Or maybe you’ll develop a debilitating chronic condition you’ll have to live with the rest of your (probably shorter) life. Maybe you’ll have permanently decreased lung capacity or oooh, even organ failure. That sounds fun! I bet dealing with the transplant committee is a hoot. I hear permanent testicular damage is a thing it’s doing to dudes now, too. So that’s nice.
This is a new, still largely unknown virus with oceans of unexplored depths to the many possible ways it can wreck your health and ruin your life that might take you right up to the edge but, sure, stop just short of killing you. Winning, amirite?
A friend of mine is fond of calling conservatives a death cult. Honestly, it keeps getting harder to see how he’s wrong.
But yes, please lecture us all on mortality rates some more. I’m sure it all comes down to a great big hilarious game of, “But did you die, though?”
Preach to us about exposing everyone to develop herd immunity as if you know or understand the slightest scintilla of the consequences to what you’re talking about. Or maybe you do know and just don’t care. It’s gotta be one or the other, right?
It pains me to admit this because I actually really do care for every single person on my friends list, but some of you people are pushing me toward the ineluctable conclusion that you are either deeply, hopelessly, hitherto unimaginably stupid or you’re just one of the many sap-faced flavors of that good old mundanity of evil they don’t like talking about in Sunday school.
Pass or fail. Live or die. Chicken or beef.
Idiot or asshole.
READ MORE:
- It’s Amazing How Well Prepared Schools Aren’t
- Parents, Please Keep an Eye on Your Kid’s Virtual Classroom
- No, Online-Only Education Will NOT Be Available to EVERY Student. That’s a Lie. Here’s Why.
Want some books? 'Course ya do!
NOTE: I know times are hard and yeah, I need to make a living too, but if you want to read any of my books but can't afford to buy them right now, hit me up.
I'll take care of it.
Humor | Nonfiction
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Have you ever lived through an experience that was so humiliating that you wanted to die, but when you tell it to all your friends, they can't stop laughing?
Have you ever made a decision that seemed like a good idea at the time, but you're still living with the hilarious consequences years later?
If so, then grab a snack, get comfortable, and prepare to have all of your own poor life choices seem just a little bit more bearable.
You're welcome.
Short Stories
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The nine stories of rage and sadness collected here range from the most intimate of human experiences to the wildest realms of magic and fantasy. The first story is a violent gut-punch to the soul, and the rest of them just hit harder from there.
Those who tough it out will find a book filled with as much hope as despair, a constant contradiction pulling you from one extreme to another.
Life might knock us down, over and over, and will the beat the ever-loving snot out of us from the time we're old enough to give it attitude until the day we finally let it win and stop getting up.
Always get back up.
Gaming | Nonfiction
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This isn't just a book. It's a portal to other worlds where there be magic and dragons and hilarious pirates. Okay, not really. But this book is about those portals, except they're called video games.
The Life Bytes series of books take a deep dive into one man's personal journey through childhood into kinda/sorta being a responsible, competent adult as told through the magical lens of whatever video games he was playing at the time.
Part One starts way back in 1975 and meanders down various digital pathways until, oh, around about 1993 or so.
If you're feeling nostalgic for the early days of gaming or if you just want to understand why the gamer in your life loves this hobby so much, take a seat in your favorite comfy chair and crack this bad boy open.
I'll try to not be boring.
Horror
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What you are about to read is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, or end.
What follows is nothing more than a series of journal entries involving shadow people, sleep paralysis, and crippling fear. It’s not pretty, it doesn’t follow story logic, and nothing works out well in the end.
You've been warned.
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