Great! You voted. Now shut up.

We get it. You voted. We know, because you posted the pictures of you voting to Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and wherever the hell else you could, so that everyone would know that you voted. And that you did it as hard as you could. We’re all very impressed.

Now can you please shut up about it?

For real, though. Just stop talking. I understand that voting makes you feel very accomplished and patriotic and dutiful and any other noble-sounding adjectives you feel like throwing on to the pile, but it doesn’t really mean much of anything. I mean, you do realize that, don’t you?

And no, I’m not going to sit here and preach about how the two party system is an illusion and that all politicians are the same and are controlled by the secret IRS Benghazi Bilderberg Trilateral Illuminati Brotherhood. Or corporations. Or whichever nebulous, creeping evil is creeping nebulously into the trendy-verse today.

What I am going to do is tell you what really matters in a democratic republic, and it’s nothing at all to do with voting. Voting is just the People’s Choice Awards in a three piece suit with a flag pin tacked on. It doesn’t really do anything other than contribute to the validity of the election cycle and perpetuate the myth that going to the polls is The Most Important Thing You Can Do as a citizen.

Hint: It’s not.

The most important thing you can do is not give a damn about who is in office. Because it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t.*
(*Ok, sometimes it does, like when the crazies are in charge. But I’ve already written enough about the Tea Party, and it’s Tuesday. I don’t like to repeat myself on Tuesdays.)

What matters is holding politicians accountable to the will of the people. Of the majority of the people, not just the really loud and obnoxious ones that stand outside of abortion clinics or coat shops and throw pig’s blood on people. The majority of people are most of us that are just trying to survive and leave the world a little better than we found it. Or at least so far as it applies to you and yours. Or me and mine. Whichever.

In the end, the only time voting actually matters is when direct policy decisions are involved. Those matter a lot. But deciding who gets to hold an office? Meh. Remember that time the incumbent ran on a position of strength while the challenger ran on a platform of change? Good times. It’s like that episode of Law and Order where they solved a crime that one time.

The duty of a good citizen is not to just show up on election day and stuff a ballot in a box. Any idiot can do that – and a lot of idiots do. The job of true patriots and concerned citizens has more to do with what happens after the election, not before or during.

It’s the petition drives, the grassroots efforts (real ones, mind you), the social media campaigns, the protests, the rallies, the educating, the investigating, the exposing, the policing, the holding of their damn feet to the proverbial fire that really affects policy.

Also, just because someone chooses not to vote does not mean that they give up their right to do any of these things. They don’t give up the right to complain about injustices, they don’t give up the right to push for change, and they sure as hell don’t give up the right to pay their taxes and be a damn citizen. They just didn’t participate in the reindeer games of voting for Your Guy or Their Guy, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less of a citizen than you. It just means they have priorities. (Or they honestly don’t give a crap. Apathy – like shit – happens.)

If we just go to the polls and vote, then wipe our hands and pat ourselves on the back for a job well done, then we have failed as a people and as a nation. Because leaving everything up to elected officials never ends well.

For example, if we’d left things up to our elected officials here in Beaumont, Texas, we’d still have a corrupt school board ruining the city. Instead, citizens took action, local residents filed complaints and fought tooth and nail to draw attention to the problems that were occurring, and they demanded action. And it – eventually – happened.

Because that’s how it works. It didn’t matter that we had one of the most golly-shucks-geewillikers morons in the nation for a governor. It didn’t matter than our city mayor didn’t give a damn. It didn’t matter than the Chamber of Commerce couldn’t care less, or that getting the state’s interest at all was an uphill battle of Sisyphean proportions. It didn’t matter, because the people didn’t leave it up to elected officials who either didn’t care, or were directly involved in the corruption and scheming. They took action, they worked hard, and they saw it through. Because the elected officials were the problem, not the solution. Which has typically been the historic case in all things…

If we’d left things up to our elected officials, we’d still have segregation.
If we’d left things up to our elected officials, we wouldn’t have labor laws.
If we’d left things up to our elected officials, we wouldn’t have environmental protections.
If we’d left things up to our elected officials, minorities and women wouldn’t even be able to vote.

In short, if we’d left things up to our elected officials, we’d be a freaking banana republic in every damn sense of the word. (Some would say we already are. I wonder how we got this way?)

So while I’m very glad that you took time out of your busy day to spend more time posting about how awesome you are for voting than it took to actually cast your ballot, could you please – and I say this with all the kindness and sincerity it deserves – please, pretty please, just shut the fuck up about it?

kthxbai

Want some books? 'Course ya do!

NOTE:  I know times are hard and yeah, I need to make a living too, but if you want to read any of my books but can't afford to buy them right now, hit me up.

I'll take care of it.

Humor | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

Have you ever lived through an experience that was so humiliating that you wanted to die, but when you tell it to all your friends, they can't stop laughing?

Have you ever made a decision that seemed like a good idea at the time, but you're still living with the hilarious consequences years later?

If so, then grab a snack, get comfortable, and prepare to have all of your own poor life choices seem just a little bit more bearable.

You're welcome.

Short Stories
Available now from the following retailers

The nine stories of rage and sadness collected here range from the most intimate of human experiences to the wildest realms of magic and fantasy. The first story is a violent gut-punch to the soul, and the rest of them just hit harder from there.

Those who tough it out will find a book filled with as much hope as despair, a constant contradiction pulling you from one extreme to another.

Life might knock us down, over and over, and will the beat the ever-loving snot out of us from the time we're old enough to give it attitude until the day we finally let it win and stop getting up.

Always get back up.

Gaming | Nonfiction
Available now from the following retailers

This isn't just a book. It's a portal to other worlds where there be magic and dragons and hilarious pirates. Okay, not really. But this book is about those portals, except they're called video games.

The Life Bytes series of books take a deep dive into one man's personal journey through childhood into kinda/sorta being a responsible, competent adult as told through the magical lens of whatever video games he was playing at the time.

Part One starts way back in 1975 and meanders down various digital pathways until, oh, around about 1993 or so.

If you're feeling nostalgic for the early days of gaming or if you just want to understand why the gamer in your life loves this hobby so much, take a seat in your favorite comfy chair and crack this bad boy open.

I'll try to not be boring.

Horror
Available now from the following retailers

What you are about to read is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, or end.

What follows is nothing more than a series of journal entries involving shadow people, sleep paralysis, and crippling fear. It’s not pretty, it doesn’t follow story logic, and nothing works out well in the end.

You've been warned.