Posted on January 14, 2010
The Relentless March Of Time, With Dancing!
The worst part about a terrific vacation isn’t when it ends. No, the worst part comes several days after it’s over, when you’re back in the real world and wistfully remembering how much fun you were having exactly one week ago, while acknowledging just how much fun you’re not having right now. It’s the curse of a great holiday to miss it when it’s gone, yet we must remember that such passing misery is but a small price to pay for those brief annual glimpses of joy that vanish from our lives just as quickly as they came flittering into them.
It’s tempting to put our yearly excursions upon shiny golden pedestals of awe and wonder, then spend the rest of the year gazing upon their glory while trying to figure out how to get back there again, but life should never be about your next vacation. Instead, life should be made up of hundreds upon thousands upon millions of little moments that at least equal, if not surpass, any we may experience while on holiday. So yes, I had an amazing time at Walt Disney World with my new family, but even as I mourn the passing of that happy week and return to the soul-crushing mundanity and relentless monotony of the real world, I can’t help but think that real life isn’t all that bad, after all. Sure, by comparison it is bleak and repetitive and woefully predictable, but a little normalcy never hurt anybody. And, while I’m more of a fan of the weird and wicked things in life than of anything commonplace, even I can admit that it sometimes feels good to be at least a little normal. Just a little.
There are, of course, some things I will continue to miss regardless of how positive an outlook I try to have on things. Trey, for instance, will never be three years old and at Disney World again. This is a small thing, I admit, but in the larger context of my time with the little guy, it takes on a bit more significance. These past twenty or so months with Brittany and Trey have been 
the happiest of my life, and I’m talking a delirious sort of happiness. I realized this during the vacation, at some random moment on some random day when we were doing some random activity. I reflected on my life and where it’s been, where it’s going and where it is now, and I discovered that I am gloriously, incalculably, and overwhelmingly Tom-Cruise-jumping-on-the-couchingly happy. And, the worst part about being happy with how things are right now, is the hideous certainty that comes from knowing that right now doesn’t last forever. I’m not very good with change, especially when I like how things are. But, since I know that the persistent march of time is, well, persistent, there’s not much I can do about the future other than to simply appreciate what I have right now.
With every day that passes, Trey grows a little older and leaves a little bit more of his baby self behind. Soon, he’ll start school. Later, he’ll abandon Mickey Mouse and Thomas the train. Eventually, he’ll discover girls, grow up, move out, and start his own journey through adulthood. I don’t like to think about all that, though. Not right now, anyway. Sure, I’m excited about all of the milestones he’ll pass as he grows through life, but I’m just not looking forward to the horrible time when it’s all going to be over. I don’t want to think about him not wanting to play trains with me, or to take little trips to silly places with the family, and I especially don’t want to think about that dark and inevitable time that will come that will find us waving to him from our driveway as his car pulls away towards college and the start of his life without us in it. No. I don’t want to think about that.
Instead, let’s talk more about Disney World, shall we? One last time, before I put it to rest until we go back next year. Only, what more is there to say, really? There are anecdotes to be sure, but at what point does this blog stop being a collection of essays and starts becoming a travelogue of my vacations? Hopefully not today, and not with this essay. This is the last gasp of my Disney World bibblebabble for now, but I couldn’t shut the book without mentioning at least a couple more things.
First, there was what happened at a fountain in the Magic Kingdom. The previous day, at another fountain in Disney’s Hollywood Studios, I’d given Trey a handful of coins to toss into the water as he made various wishes. Brittany and I educated him on the ancient and absurd ritual by showing him how to throw a coin into the water as we shouted out a wish, then he followed suit by mimicking us at first, then by making up his own desires. The next day, while Brittany stepped into a shop to browse for souvenirs, Trey and I sat down next to a fountain across the way. He asked for some “monies” so that he could make more wishes, so I grabbed the camera like the obnoxious tourist and proud father I am, and handed him a coin. I started filming just as he threw the glinting metal into the frigid water and shouted, “I wish for Kris!”
Other highlights from the trip include the insane security guard who chased our car down on foot after I flagrantly skirted Disney Law by entering my resort behind the previous guest, rather than stopping to wait for the little gate to close behind him before inserting my own room key to raise it again. Then, there was the tour guide we encountered when we visited the Florida Caverns State Park on our way back home, who threatened Trey with jail time while he flirted with Brittany and kept pronouncing the word “rocks” as “wawks”. Later, there was the world’s slowest gas pump at Florida’s scariest gas station, which stole eleven minutes and thirty-seven seconds from my life as I filled the Jetta’s fourteen gallon tank with fifteen gallons of gas after the pump’s automatic shut off failed to automatically shut off. But, beyond all these things, perhaps the most significant event (as far as my parental ego is concerned, anyway) happened on our last day at Disney World.
We’d taken Trey back to Disney’s Hollywood Studios so that he could watch The Little Mermaid stage show. He’s developed a strong fondness for the movie, along with “mermaid and her friends”, so we’d hoped to buy up a few plush toys he could play with back home. We found an Ariel with no problem, then discovered a plush version of her fish friend, Flounder, with relative ease. However, when it came time to find the “friend” who is arguably Trey’s favorite among all The Little Mermaid characters, the crab Sebastian was nowhere to be found. We eventually gave up the search at the Studios, and moved our noble quest on to the shimmering souvenir mecca called Downtown Disney.
shoulder. “Wait,” she said, “let me go see if I can get permission to sell that one.” She walked away and I spent the next several minutes wandering around the pretty princess section of Once Upon A Toy, pretending to be interested in several items of a pink and frilly persuasion in an effort to avoid further confrontation with the male clerk. After a little while, the girl appeared from around a corner with a large smile on her face. As she walked towards me, she lifted up her hands and gave me a double thumbs-up. “I had to ask two different managers,” she said, “but I got permission!” She went behind the counter and produced a small stepping stool. “We need to hurry though, before the first one I asked finds out.”
more stop for a quick pretzel and some ice cream before getting on the road, but as soon as he was able, he tore open the package and pulled out every character, strewing them across the back seat of the rental car. He fell asleep with his new friends all around him, and we drove off of Disney property for the first time since we’d arrived. (I’m not counting the McDonald’s excursion. Let us never speak of its horror again.) It was time to go home.
Want some books? 'Course ya do!
NOTE: I know times are hard and yeah, I need to make a living too, but if you want to read any of my books but can't afford to buy them right now, hit me up.
I'll take care of it.
Humor | Nonfiction
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Have you ever lived through an experience that was so humiliating that you wanted to die, but when you tell it to all your friends, they can't stop laughing?
Have you ever made a decision that seemed like a good idea at the time, but you're still living with the hilarious consequences years later?
If so, then grab a snack, get comfortable, and prepare to have all of your own poor life choices seem just a little bit more bearable.
You're welcome.
Short Stories
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The nine stories of rage and sadness collected here range from the most intimate of human experiences to the wildest realms of magic and fantasy. The first story is a violent gut-punch to the soul, and the rest of them just hit harder from there.
Those who tough it out will find a book filled with as much hope as despair, a constant contradiction pulling you from one extreme to another.
Life might knock us down, over and over, and will the beat the ever-loving snot out of us from the time we're old enough to give it attitude until the day we finally let it win and stop getting up.
Always get back up.
Gaming | Nonfiction
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This isn't just a book. It's a portal to other worlds where there be magic and dragons and hilarious pirates. Okay, not really. But this book is about those portals, except they're called video games.
The Life Bytes series of books take a deep dive into one man's personal journey through childhood into kinda/sorta being a responsible, competent adult as told through the magical lens of whatever video games he was playing at the time.
Part One starts way back in 1975 and meanders down various digital pathways until, oh, around about 1993 or so.
If you're feeling nostalgic for the early days of gaming or if you just want to understand why the gamer in your life loves this hobby so much, take a seat in your favorite comfy chair and crack this bad boy open.
I'll try to not be boring.
Horror
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What you are about to read is not a story. There is no beginning, middle, or end.
What follows is nothing more than a series of journal entries involving shadow people, sleep paralysis, and crippling fear. It’s not pretty, it doesn’t follow story logic, and nothing works out well in the end.
You've been warned.
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